Places Where People Feel Like Going Crazy

1. A country club dining room. A country club pushes people to the edge not only because (at least at mine) everything is screamingly white (the people and the room) and everyone is always eating politely and quietly talking about yoga and Bentleys like a nice restaurant, but unlike a nice restaurant almost everyone knows each other and there are unspoken societal rules to keep up with (always appear happy, successful and under control being the #1). We eat at our country club about twice a year, but every time I walk in I wonder what would happen if I broke something. Or if I was naked. And suddenly I have an overwhelming urge to do it...strip and pull down the chandelier. Or, better, when my parents' friends (the ones who aren't really friends but just people we see there and talk about things with twice a year) ask me how I'm doing, tell them that I've dropped out of school to get my crack habit under control but I plan on returning in the fall to major in Prostitution Studies. To which they will stand back, aghast, until my parents realize what I've said and taser me. 


2. Sorority rush. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against sororities, but the rush period is gross. This is the time when you go from sorority to sorority and talk to the girls, and they decide if they want you to be part of their group or not. I thought this was the type of unspoken thing that you do in middle school, but I discovered in college that it's done out in the open and it's OK. I mean, I guess there's no other way to decide who you want to be in your sorority, but it just seems weird to me. When I'm face to face with a girl knowing that I have to make the best impression possible, I have/had the most overwhelming urge to act insane. The crack habit and Prostitution Studies would be too obvious, but I constantly came very close to slipping something random into normal conversation. 


Example:


Girl: Soo, what do you like to do in your free time?
Me: Ohh, umm, I like to read, write, pretend to be a cat with my dad, watch TV...I don't know, the usual. 
Girl: Oh...


I never actually did this, but I encourage it. 


3. The gynecologist, when it's a guy. This might be TMI, but it had to make the list. I cannot handle it when the gynecologist is a guy and trying to make conversation about he and his wife going to Paris while...doing his job. I don't want to hear about you and your wife while you're doing that! Really, I don't want to make small talk at all. And it makes me want to respond with something completely inapprop...I won't give an example, but you get the picture. What would they do? Ignore you and keep talking about Paris? The world may never know...


4. Taking the SAT or any standardized test. I guess this is a pretty normal one...you just get so bored from sitting still for so long and feel a little crazy from all the pressure that's on you to do well and finish...it's times like these that I feel like blasting rap music but pretending like I don't hear it. Lapdance by Tyga would do. 


5. When you're waitressing at a restaurant and the customer is a giant asshole. You know you have to be nice but you think of such a good comeback and it almost slips out...but then you have to keep it in, pick up their plate, smile, and warm their salad for 5 seconds in the microwave like they requested. I don't have a problem with weird requests, but when the person is a rude ho and acts like I'm stupid for not doing it, that's when I feel like kicking them in the neck.




Alright, well, that's about it. Maybe these are common sentiments, or maybe I just revealed myself to have serious mental problems. Either way, it was hard to type this with a straitjacket on. 

marknesop