Judging A Guy By His Watch

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1. If you're wearing the first one, you think you're Kanye West. Nuff said. If you're wearing the second one (and it's fitted to your wrist), you're probably classy and will always pay for dinner. If it slides up and down your arm because it's too big, you're probably younger and think it looks cool and like Ugh-I'm-so-rich-I-just-don't-care, but really it just looks like it's your dad's or you stole it.

2. You are a simple man who wishes he lived in the 1940's. Your favorite meal is unflavored oatmeal and milk, and you've never stayed up past 9pm. You might play racquetball.

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3. You rarely talk to people in person because you're always on the computer. You bought the watch so you can continue to be online wherever you go (grocery store, drug deal, shower), and you probably Tweet/update your Facebook status a lot - but not the funny kind, the long, intellectual paragraphs kind about how people these days don't know how to interact with each other. You probably have a few online girlfriends because your dating profile picture is Matt Damon. 

4. You love history and quote Plato in daily conversation. You know how to translate Latin. You're most likely a teacher and you always smell like coffee. You wear the same thing every day (an L.L.Bean vest and khakis), but it's comforting. 

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5. You love biking and scuba diving. You're very competitive. You wear a Camelback and pornographic Spandex shorts at all times. You're probably tan and you want to be on a Nike commercial.

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6. You're an Italian mobster or once again think you're famous. If I haven't seen your arm, I predict it to be hairy. You probably get male manicures.