The world is, in spite of everything, very over. I asked carnie, and he said Marvin. And I said yes? And he said Marvin, it's very over. I nodded in agreement, as I rearranged the wisteria. Also, the day was clear. A single silk stocking hung in the air. And the carnie, his hands in his pockets, said Marvin. And I said yes? And he looked at me tenderly and said the dish has run away from the spoon. And I said yes, it was bound to happen. That night in his orange pickup truck, we made love for the last time, as it sunk into the muddy swamp. Somewhere else, a tree was burning.


- Sabrina Orah Mark 

Impossible ain't nuttin

So I hung out with an old friend last week for the first time in awhile. This person hasn't been in college for the past semester, so he's been hanging out with people in his town who don't exactly fit into the Main Line mold (I don't even know if they own Ralph Lauren sweaters...AHHHHH). But anyway, to be honest, I was a little dubious when he was describing his new friends to me. The first friend dropped out of college to run a cafe. Another went to agricultural school and was trying to start a farm. Considering my life isn't exactly teeming with social activity, however, I decided to go with him to meet them.


When we got to the cafe, I was still kind of dubious. The kid who owned the cafe seemed like he was ignoring my friend and only interested in slamming our food on the table. There were paintings on the wall that seemed wannabe hipster/Picasso esque and I commented on them. My friend explained that they were all done by this guy with autism who lives in the area and makes his living by selling his paintings. Okay. Guess I was wrong.


After we ate we went outside with the owner and he started talking. He turned into a completely different person, talking so excitedly and fast about anything and everything that it was hard to follow at first. He talked about serious things like sadness and happiness and everything in between, and eventually his monologue led to the cafe. He said that he realized he hasn't been appreciating it as much lately, but how he should really step back and take it all in, because "it's actually pretty fucking cool." I agree with him....22 years old and one dream accomplished...not too shabby. 


Later we went to this farm that another friend had bought after going to agricultural school. It was about 15-20 acres of beauty, so I wondered how this kid with a ponytail of dreads had been able to acquire it...aka afford it. My friend told me that the land had originally been completely filled with rocks and the dreads man had spent the past year ripping it up and planting everything anew. He lives in this little hut which has basically nothing but incense and Jamaican flags in it (which makes me wonder what he was planting.....) but it was still pretty cool. As he sat down on the floor next to the guy that owned the cafe and lit a cigarette that didn't smell like a cigarette, I could tell that they were both happy, at least at that moment.


Today this girl at work, who's 26, told me about how stressed out she is trying to get these physics classes done for nursing school. She seemed like she was about to cry, and started admitting to me that she'd originally wanted to become an interior designer and major in art, but she'd quickly given it up because "I'd have to be exquisite...amazing... to be able to survive in that job. It was just dumb."


When she told me that, I realized how much I didn't want to end up like her. I'm sure it wasn't easy for the dreads kid to start his own farm...seems close to impossible even...but I'd rather be able to say I tried than not and slave my way through business school because my parents wanted me to and then end up at a never-ending desk job and wake up when I'm 45 only to realize that 25 years have passed and the only thing I have to show for it are a few accumulated magnets on a cubicle wall. I know it sounds a little dramatic, but it's true. We only have one life and there's no use wasting it doing something you think other people want you to do or going after you second choice because it seems more secure or because your real dream seems impossible. Fuck impossible! Who wants to be remembered as secure?! Not me...

Unenjoyable things

Things that aren't:


1. Cats. They're just not enjoyable and it's weird that their skin is so stretchy.


2. Meatloaf.

(vivahate)

Slop's up.


3. People who act like they're better than the world. You're not. Stop.


4. Nail files (and when the ladies at the manicure place insist on using them even when you tell them no, keeping your hand in a death grip and filing your nail until it's bleeding and down to a stub).


5. Thinking of a great comeback just a little too late.


6. Milk. Puke-worthy.


7. Those friends of your parents who think you want to know every last detail of the past 5 years of their life and have it all told 2 inches from your face.


8. Parents who open your door at 8am every morning and purposely make a lot of noise to passive aggressively tell you that you're being lazy and need to get up and do something.


9. Facebook pictures with weird emotional quotes in cursive at the bottom.


10. Stink bugs. (And sharing a bed/lamp/dresser/TV/life with them). 

Enjoyable things

Things that are enjoyable:


1. Surviving the rapture. Woooooooooooo. Although I lived through it while at work where 2 minutes before 6:00 the cook announced that he keeps a loaded gun in the basement. Couldn't tell if it was a joke or not. Ha.


2. Going to Paris in 4 months.


3. French fries. I know they aren't French but I really hope they're good and abundant in France. The one time that I have been to France before I was served live fish for every meal (okay not live but with the eyes in and everything...I just don't get how that's appetizing unless you like stabbing into something with a fork while watching it crying) and almost starved to death.


4. Cool sunglasses (because even if you're not that cool, people on the street don't know that and they'll look at you jealously wishing they were you, oblivious to the fact that you share a peanut butter sandwich with your dog every night while watching Nickelodeon).

(behindthehype)

5. The xx and this video... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PElhV8z7I60


6. Philosophical French books (because not only do you sound smart quoting them, but they're in French, so you can make them your Facebook status and people won't really know what they mean but will assume you're cultured and fluent in another language....cha-ching).


7. Using the phrase "terminally chill" to describe yourself as often as possible. Even when people don't ask.


8. Bringing back the phrase "off the chain."


9. Witty people and rap lyrics.


10. Yellow Vitamin Water.

Pimpin and stuff

I was looking at some old pictures so I thought I'd give the blog world a quick summary of my life:

Started out sexy and curvaceous in kindergarden (30 pounds, only ate mac and cheese, wore overalls every other day and fake glasses). 

Progressed through elementary school about the same way. Got braces and an expander (;)) in 5th grade that stretched my mouth beyond all normalcy and thought it was attractive to cut my bangs 2 inches above my eyebrows. Pimpin' and stuff. 

Once I hit middle school, I switched to a private school with a uniform but didn't get the memo that you needed to shorten your kilt in order to be socially accepted. Somehow I still didn't manage to catch onto this memo the whole first year, coming to school every day with the skirt just grazing my Merrells. This was about the time when I had a crush on Isaac Mizrahi until I found out he was a shoe designer and flamboyantly gay. I also rode the train to school every day accompanied by my dad who would bring donuts for everyone (by everyone I mean random people who would sit near us and politely decline every time he offered). Would walk to school every day from the train station, rolling backpack in tow (;)) letting the wheels clack loudly over every bump in the road. The rest of the train group walked about 5 steps ahead, but we were friends.

In 7th grade I played Alice in the school play Alice Through the Looking Glass, which still makes my parents tear up to this day. Looks like my life is going places.

In 8th grade the kilt was finally shortened an inch or two. I guess that's the only important thing. 

Fast forward to sophomore year of high school, I went through an emo stage complete with black nail polish and black sex bands interwoven in that Hot Topic way. That summer I tried to dye my hair brown to make a real statement, but it came out pink and wouldn't wash out for a year. Guess my emo stage was over. 

Those are the only highlights I can remember as of now, but if any other stages come along I'll keep you updated. 

I guess not too much has changed since kindergarden; maybe I'll even bring that rolling backpack back to Richmond with me. And aren't Merrells still in?

Doing nothing and pumping gas

It's weird how much it's pounded into our heads that we always have to be doing something. I woke up at 3 p.m. yesterday and felt like I'd already failed at life and was doomed to work the night shift at Sunoco. I've done nothing today except watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians and eat Chinese food, and the feeling is sinking in deeper. I have this little voice in the back of my mind telling me that I should be doing something useful for my future, for my life now, or just humanity in general. But where does this come from? Why do I feel like a gas station attendant after only 3 days of idleness? I think it's because our culture is built around constantly being bigger and better; self improvement with no end in sight. Idleness means uselessness, worthlessness, and eventually, failure. It's funny because in Spain they have the siesta, where you take time out of the day just to sleep and relax, but thinking about introducing this into American culture seems almost laughable. The minute we laid down we'd constantly be calculating all the time we were wasting, everything we could be doing and what we were going to get done as soon as we got up. I feel like it's almost impossible for us as Americans to entirely relax, because it's already irreversibly in our minds that idleness=failure. Excessive relaxation=time wasted. Considering this and the fact that there's still 4 more months left of summer, I guess I'm going to have to find something useful to do with my time. If not, though, I guess Sunoco has a pretty good Dorito selection.

Into the Wild

Never thought I'd keep up with this...but here I am on my bed once again with nothing to do and another five pounds of Swedish Fish.


This post is dedicated to my favorite movie and book I'm reading, Into the Wild. The story is about this kid, Chris McCandless, who leads a pretty normal life, graduates from Emory, and then decides to donate his entire $24,000 savings account to charity and take off for Alaska with nothing but a backpack and the clothes he's wearing. He leaves because of problems with his parents that make him come to resent them and feel that close human relationships only bring trouble and pain. He meets a myriad of people along the way and makes an impact on all of their lives, but leaves before the relationship can really take root. Finally he reaches Alaska, where he braves the taiga alone, with only the beauty of nature and an abandoned bus for company. My summary doesn't do the story justice at all, but I encourage everyone to see or read it for the full impact...the ending is puh-rime (prime), so much so that I can't even describe it.
Here's my favorite passage. Read and reflect.


"I'd like to repeat the advice I gave you before, in that I think you really should make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of life, Ron, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty."


I don't usually have the patience to see movies twice, or much less to go out and buy the book/READ it, so the fact that I did is really saying something. I'm not saying I would ever be brave enough to run off to Alaska...but if I can take even part of this passage to heart in my life then I'll be content. Plus, if it gives you any motivation, Emile Hirsch is the main character in the movie, and my oh my is he looking bangin'.